the year we risked it all

this day is full of so much emotion....

 I have been anticipating the flood of feelings that today would bring all month long.  Today is the END of a very intense year. Some might look at it and say it was a bad year - full of tears and pain, but I say it was a very hard year filled with triumph and victory. It was a year that my hearts call of bringing HOPE into our lives was fulfilled.  It's a year worth celebrating!

For almost 10 years I have been waging war on a particular beast in our lives.  For 10 years everything around me screamed to give up and mocked me as it tried to rip our hope away. For 10 years I spent many nights with a tear soaked pillow pleading with God to give my daughter a chance to know what a life without pain feels like; to give my husband the chance to shoot for all his dreams and be the "unstoppable" force physically that he already was and is mentally;  to not go to bed fearing waking up to a 2am rush to the nearest emergency room; to not fear every single stomach pain because of what it might mean to them; to know that cancer will never be present due to this horrible illness.

This year we risked it all to live.

And this year, we won the war!

I try very hard not to think on the events this year because the intensity of the events literally take my breath away.  Hard doesn't even begin to describe this year.  I feel like God has been not only changing our family but also changing me personally.  He's released a lioness in me that is willing to fight ferociously, He's showing me that I am more than I thought I was. He is refining me and stripping away the hardness the years of fighting produced and bringing out the purest joy in my heart. When Tasia was wheeled down the hall to surgery, my heart was wheeled down the hall to be worked on by the greatest of physicians.  I feel whole now. I feel like with Him I can do anything.  I feel like standing on the tallest mountain and declaring 

God is with me, I shall not fall! 

(img credit http://www.wallpapersbuzz.com/)

I am scared of 2013, I can't lie. I am scared to expect normal.  Anyone who knows us knows we do not live "normal.  But I am comforted as well knowing that we never ride into battle alone. If our God is for us, who can stand against us?! 

I feel like something great is rising up for our family. I don't know what it is... but it will be great!

Blessings to you all for this brand new happy year,

Jillian